Seniors and Driving Safety Concerns

We all hear the stories of the difficulties of taking away a loved one’s license. Threatening to take away their independence can be a devastating thought to your aging parent. It can seem easier to just avoid the conversation and the topic all together, especially knowing how defensive and angry they will become. However, the safety of themselves and others must be the top priority and take precedence over hurting their feelings and potentially upsetting them.

Signs Your Parent May Not Be Safe to Drive

Near-misses or accidents

• Frequency: How often are these incidents happening? Are they minor fender benders or more serious collisions?
• Severity: Are there any injuries involved? Has there been property damage?
• Explanation: How does your parent explain these incidents? Do their explanations seem consistent with the severity of the event?

Changes in driving habits

• Reduction in driving: Have they significantly decreased the amount they drive? Do they avoid certain times of day or specific roads?
• Increased anxiety: Do they seem more nervous or stressed before or during drives?
• Changes in routes: Are they taking longer or more unfamiliar routes to familiar destinations?

Difficulty with Maneuvers

• Observation and Documentation: Pay close attention to specific maneuvers your parent struggles with. Are they repeatedly hitting curbs, scraping against objects, or having trouble backing out of driveways? Document these instances with dates, times, and locations.
• Practice Areas: Suggest practicing these maneuvers in a safe, low-traffic area like an empty parking lot. This can help assess their skills and build confidence.
• Driving Aids: Consider assistive devices like rearview cameras or parking sensors to help with visibility and maneuvering.

Vision Problems

• Comprehensive Eye Exam: Encourage a thorough eye exam, including tests for peripheral vision, night vision, and color blindness.
• Glasses or Contacts: Ensure they have an up-to-date prescription and are wearing their glasses or contacts consistently while driving.
• Adjustments: Help them adjust their car's mirrors and seating position for optimal visibility.
• Daytime Driving: If night driving is particularly challenging, suggest limiting driving to daylight hours.

Slower Reaction Times

• Simulated Driving: Practice responding to simulated driving scenarios, such as reacting to a sudden stop or a child running into the street.
• Driving Courses: Consider enrolling them in a refresher driving course that emphasizes safety and defensive driving techniques.
• Medication Review: Re-evaluate their medications with their doctor to identify any that might contribute to slowed reaction times.

Confusion or Disorientation

• Medical Evaluation: Schedule a check-up with their doctor to rule out any underlying medical conditions that could contribute to confusion.
• Familiar Routes: Encourage them to stick to familiar routes to minimize the risk of getting lost.
• GPS: Consider using a GPS device to assist with navigation.
• Passenger Support: Suggest having a trusted companion accompany them on drives, especially to unfamiliar locations.

Medication side effects

• Medication review: Have you reviewed your parent's medications with their doctor to determine potential side effects?
• Specific concerns: Are there any medications that are known to cause drowsiness, dizziness, or impaired judgment?
• Impact on driving: How do these side effects affect your parent's ability to drive safely?

By carefully observing these signs and documenting specific incidents, you can gather evidence to support your concerns and have open and productive conversations with your parent about their driving safety.

Steps to take when driving is no longer safe

1. Have an open and honest conversation:
• Approach your parent with concern, not blame. Focus on their safety and well-being.
• Use "I" statements: "I'm worried about your safety on the road" instead of "You're a bad driver."
• Be prepared to listen to their concerns and fears.
• Consider involving other family members or a trusted advisor.
2. Get a professional evaluation:
• Schedule a vision and hearing test with their doctor.
• Consider a road test administered by a driving rehabilitation specialist.
• Discuss any concerns with their doctor and ask for their input.
• Speak to the Doctor and ask if they can be the bad guy in this conversation
3. Explore alternative transportation options:
• Research public transportation options in your area.
• Look into ride-sharing services or volunteer driver programs.
• Consider hiring a professional driver for specific needs.
4. Limit access to the vehicle:
• If possible, temporarily hide the car keys or disable the vehicle.
• Consider selling the car or having it parked at a secure location.
• If your parent lives with you, consider moving their car to a friend or family member's house.
5. Involve the DMV:
• Contact your state's DMV for information on reporting an unsafe driver.
• Be prepared to provide specific examples of your parent's unsafe driving.
• The DMV may require a medical evaluation or road test.

Important Considerations

• Understand this will be difficult for your parent. They may feel a loss of independence.
• Be patient, compassionate, and supportive throughout the process.
• Offer alternative ways for them to stay active and engaged in the community.
• Consider involving a social worker or counselor if your parent is struggling emotionally.

Additional Resources

• Your state's DMV website (search for "DMV + your state")
• The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA): NHTSA website

Communicating with Your Parent About Driving Concerns

This conversation is undoubtedly difficult, but approaching it with empathy and understanding is crucial. Here are some tips:

Choosing the Right Time and Place

• Find a calm and quiet setting: Avoid discussing this during stressful times or in public places.
• Choose a time when your parent is rested and not rushed: This will help them focus on the conversation.

Starting the Conversation

• Express your love and concern: Begin by emphasizing that you care about their well-being and safety.
• Use "I" statements: Focus on your feelings rather than accusing your parent. For example, "I've been feeling worried about your safety when you're driving."
• Be specific: Provide concrete examples of incidents that have concerned you. Avoid generalizations.
• Listen actively: Allow your parent to express their feelings and concerns without interruption.

Addressing Resistance

• Validate their feelings: Acknowledge that giving up driving can be difficult and emotionally challenging.
• Offer support: Reassure them that you're there to help them adjust to this change.
• Explore alternatives: Discuss potential transportation options together, such as public transportation, ride-sharing services, or volunteer drivers.
• Involve other family members: If appropriate, involve other family members in the conversation to show a united front.

Potential Script Examples

• "Mom/Dad, I love you very much and want to make sure you're safe. I've noticed you seem to be struggling with [specific driving issue]. I'm worried about you and wanted to talk about it."
• "I know this is a tough conversation, but I care about you deeply and want to find a solution together. I'm open to listening to your concerns and finding alternatives that work for you."

Remember, patience and empathy are key. This process may take time, and it's important to be supportive throughout.

Role-playing the Conversation

Setting: A quiet living room on a weekend afternoon.

Characters:

• You
• Your parent (we'll call them "Mom" for this example)

You: Mom, can we talk for a minute? I want to talk about something that's been on my mind.

Mom: Sure, what's up?

You: I love you very much, and I want to make sure you're safe and happy. I've noticed that you seem to be having a harder time with driving lately.

Mom: (Possible responses: Defensive, upset, confused, or denial)

• If Mom is defensive: "I know this might be hard to hear, Mom, but I'm worried about you. I’ve noticed a few things, like when you [mention a specific incident]. I don’t want anything bad to happen."
• If Mom is upset: "I understand you're feeling upset, Mom. I'm not trying to take away your independence. I just want to make sure you're safe."
• If Mom is confused: "I’m not saying you can’t drive anymore. I just think it might be a good idea to get your eyes checked or maybe take a driving refresher course."
• If Mom is in denial: "I know you're a great driver, Mom, but things change as we get older. Let's talk about some options to keep you safe on the road."